Torn

I hate it, with a passion, when I'm torn between two. It doesn't matter the scenario. I could be torn between two shirts at Target, or between two friends. Whatever it may be, the feeling is awful. No decision ever feels like the right one.

I'm torn between my parents. It should never be that way. I should see them as equals. But, lately, that's becoming hard to do. They're divorced, which sets up the whole "choose a side" ordeal. I'm over that part. The splitting of my parents happened when I was in middle school. The problem is: the two of them have their stories mixed up.

Now, that shouldn't really matter. They're not together anymore. Period.

That's just not good enough for me. I'm pretty sure a lot of people would like an explanation to a heavy, life-changing event. I can't go the rest of my life not knowing what caused my parents to split. I'd be forever curious.

I won't go into detail about their marriage. I'll just say that their stories are polar opposite. Their stories make the other parent look responsible for the break up. That's very common in this kind of situation. I just think it's immature.

The funny part is, no one cheated or anything. So it wasn't like it was one person's fault. The two of them had mistakes that they both could have sorted out. They were either too lazy, or didn't care enough, to make it work. In my opinion, that's a pretty selfish decision.

This is ripping me apart because my mother thinks that if I take my father's side, I'm blaming everything on her, "as usual." "As usual" my ass. I never blame my mom for things. I adore her and do all that I can to be appreciative of her efforts. She's the one who's being a blind, old bat and can't see my efforts.

And if I take my mom's side, I'd kind of be abandoning my dad. And just recently, his fiance broke up with him. He had opened up to me and my sister about everything because we're all that he has left. That's something my mom would never do. She's too old-fashioned and it seems like she sees family as more of a business matter. I strongly appreciate what my dad has done. Sure, he has his flaws when it came to our relationship. But he's trying and I can see it.

Since I'm torn, I've come to the conclusion that I don't believe either of them. If they can't be mature about it, I'll fill in the blanks myself. I can say right now, there won't be very nice words in those blanks. My mom says, "to Hell with all of us." Cool, Ma'. Very nice of you to say.

My dad is a bit oblivious to what my mom had done for him. So, you see? They both have flaws that bother me so much.

Currently, my mom is mad at me because of this situation. I honestly don't care. My dad is okay, therefore he and I share no hostility.

I'm leaving this torn feeling behind. I don't believe either of my parents. Knowing my mom, she'll confuse that with not trusting her, or not appreciating her. Wrong. I love the hell out of both of them and I think they've done a great job of raising my sister and I. No matter how many times I tell my mom that, she never believes me. That's her problem now.

I know where I stand.