Leaves

Yesterday, I was putting makeup on in my bathroom (for all the male readers, bear with me).With every stroke of that makeup brush to my face, I could see a transformation taking place. It was a change that made me feel less self-conscious about myself.

I asked myself, "What are you doing?"

The answer my mind generated was, "Satisfying others."

I realized that there's no need for me to be trying to cover up my flaws in order to feel comfortable around other people. In all honesty, that's all I ever think about when I'm with someone. I'm always hoping that I look okay; that they don't think badly about my appearance.

And for the longest time, I'd been wishing for it to stop. I've been waiting for it to stop--the constant worrying. My mistake was that I was waiting for the world to stop caring about appearances. But with how deep we are in media and commercialism, the importance of beauty will not fade anytime soon.

It was up to me to stop caring about how others saw me. In that moment in the bathroom, I told myself I wouldn't let people bother me anymore with the way I look. I don't want to sound all cheesy and cliche but, it doesn't matter what we look like on the outside. I believe that everyone deserves a fair shot without judging them by how they look.

I've been bullying myself with how I look. It had gotten so bad that compliments from other people didn't mean anything anymore. I was so far into thinking that my appearance was not good enough. But now I'm done with that.

I'm turning a new, confident, and satisfied leaf.

Fed Up

It's extremely stressful sharing a house with a family in addition to your own. Not only do I have to deal with the conflicts between my sister, my mother and I. But I also I have to overhear the severe bickering that takes place in the other. And what's worse than that is when I'm put in a position to take sides.

There are days when one of them will try to turn me against his mother, as well as mine, because he's not happy with the set rules in this house. He's only 16 and he honestly thinks he rules the world. He has absolutely no respect for his mother, who is a really nice and fun woman. Just now, I heard him cursing her out like she was some thug on the street. That broke my heart and fueled me to write this post.

And as for his sister, there is no doubt in my mind she has a psychological disorder. It could be three in the afternoon on a gorgeous day. She'd be locked up in the bathroom. If I knock on the door to ask her if she could hurry up, she yells at me like I'd just called her the worst name in the book. When she's called out on her flaws, such as her horrid grades and just as bad attitude, her eyes are set to kill and storms around like a murderer. Honestly, I'm scared to talk to her because I feel like I'm defusing a bomb.

I'm so done with them. I love their mom because she and I get along. On those nights that it's just me and my mom and her, we laugh and have a good time until all the other kids get home. Then her kids disrespect her. I really can't stand it. At this point, I'm not going to try to balance between sides of the argument. Seriously, I've made my decision. I think the kids are dumb and need to learn some manners and how to talk to an adult.

I don't feel like talking to them, or hanging out, or tolerating them. This has never been a joint-family. We're strictly housemates.

Please, people. Love your moms.