Who Cares For the Title?

I've turned this blog into a place for thoughts and opinions to a place full of whining. But, it's my blog and I write what I feel. And I feel...a lot.

It's about "Jenny" again, kind of. I hope she doesn't read it. I mean, she's not the reading type anyway... But, who knows. It's the truth and it hurts.

She's complaining to me about her mother. Her mom cancelled her date with her father because she couldn't find a babysitter for Jenny. So I just told Jenny that she hasn't given her parents any reason to trust her. Jenny has a reputation at school--a bad one, of course. It's leaked into her home life and her parents' trust for her is spiraling down the drain.

I feel sorry for her. But, it's really making me mad. I once heard that people judge you off of who you associate yourself with. Well, if that's true, then I look as immature as Jenny. I'm sorry, Jenny. But, it's the truth. Jenny isn't as mature as she claims. She's changing rapidly into something intolerable.

Just today, my mom and her mom were talking to us about our behavior. We don't act up--well, I don't for the most part--but it was Jenny's behavior they were concerned about. But, I didn't like being talked down to like that, especially if it wasn't a lecture addressed to me. Pull Jenny aside and lecture her alone. I don't need to be told rules that are no-brainers.

Jenny needs to sharpen up. She's going down a dark and bumpy road and I don't think I'll be at the end of it to help her.


This is another messy post, in my opinion. But, I'm rushing and I just wanted to get this off of my chest.

I'm really enjoying this blog.

Ugh.

It's almost been a month since I've last posted. I've been urged to. But, I didn't know what to write about. Well, now I do.

Maturity. Maybe even common sense. I don't know what to call it. There's just a lot going on in my mind.

A lot of kids at my age claim they're mature. It bothers me when they say it and then act like a child. I mean, c'mon, you're in high school...grow up. As I write this, I have a specific person in mind, though I'll keep their name hidden. We'll call her Jenny.

Jenny is easily manipulated. She's putty in any one's hands. I've watched as she's become molded into various shapes and forms. It's okay to change with time. But not because of someone else. Jenny believes anything anyone says--especially boys.

She let's boys come and go like the days of the week. Currently, she's making out with guys with absolutely no feelings attached. She does it to keep her occupied. She's bored, so she kisses guys. Not only is that wrong, but how do you physically show affection to someone you have no feelings for?

I'm kind of jealous.

Not of the kissing thing. She has another friend. She constantly rubs in my face how "awesome" and "adventurous" this girl is. Not only is that girl "adventurous" but a lot of the time she's breaking the law. Jenny wishes I was more like this girl. You know, I'd really like to keep a clean record, thank you very much.

I'm that kind of friend who mothers and looks out for others. I understand that Jenny has to make her own mistakes. But I only believe that to a point. Just today she told me, "Sascha, I have the biggest urge to get drunk."

So let's go over the list.

Jenny is:

1. Easily manipulated.
2. Hanging out with a juvenile delinquent.
3. She's making out with random guys.
4. She wants to start drinking.

May I remind you that we're high schoolers. And...No high schooler is 21 or older.

I worry for her. I know I'm not the most exciting of people (I'd rather stay home, watch movies, read, write) but all the activities that Jenny wants me to engage in are super illegal!

I also feel like I've outgrown her. The things she says to me these days are all pointless and meaningless. She talks endlessly about "having fun" (illegal fun). She wants to bring air horns to school with her adventurous friend to "f**k s**t up." I really can't stand it.

Jenny always said that she wouldn't be that way. But, now that the opportunity has come up, she's taking it.



This post is totally unorganized, but that's how it is in my mind right now. Ugh...

Freedom!

I know that in a previous post I said that I had ended whatever I had going with a certain guy. Well...I lied. I was just being paranoid, so I blogged about it. But, everything was okay between him and me. Now, today is different.

I ended our "thing."

I'm not gonna lie, I feel like total crap. But, I actually had the balls to leave him. In a weird way, it's boosted my confidence; I don't need him. I was the one who independently walked away. Through the tears and despair, there's a smile, because I know I did what I thought I couldn't accomplish.

Me and this guy had an "unofficial" relationship. He used to call me every night, text me all day, visit me frequently, etc. But then, as time went on, he no longer put forth any effort to contact me. I was the one who'd have to reach out to him. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it takes two to tango.

I think the worst part of this situation is its ending. I told him how I felt (neglected, used, etc.) and all he had to say was: K.

I nearly laughed. It was as if he was purposely trying to make me feel worse (I don't really know if those were his intentions. I hope not, but I won't start feeding my mind hurtful ideas). I'll miss this guy so very much. He's unforgettable and he was truly a beautiful person. He was just lost and had his own problems to deal with. And in my opinion, he definitely doesn't have his priorities straight.

I feel freed. I'm no longer checking my phone every hour in hopes of a text message from him. I no longer have to worry about that. It's summertime, I've got a big trip coming up with my best friend, and then sophomore year starts. I'm gonna leave this crap behind me and move forward, because that's the only thing to do.

There's something bitter about this freedom. But, I'm looking forward to the self-improvement and new-found wisdom it brings.