I'm Your Puppet

This topic has been gnawing at me for months. As you've probably seen in my last post, I was apologizing for my wrongdoing. I think I'm the biggest idiot now. "Gemini" doesn't think so. But, I think he's just astonishingly generous. But that's beside my point. My point is, I (and I'm pretty sure a lot of you can relate) have been used.

The guy that I was seeing behind Gemini's back was terrible and quite heartless. Almost anything he'd say, I'd do. He'd manipulate me and knew exactly how to say things to make it sound okay. Don't get the wrong idea. I didn't do crazy stuff. But, the fact that he was manipulative should have been enough to drive me away.

But, it didn't. Why? Because he was manipulative. I knew he never loved me. Though every time he'd say it, I'd force myself to believe it, hoping that somehow, we'd get better and actually love. I was so, incredibly wrong.

Throughout this whole "relationship," I kept thinking, Gemini wouldn't do this to me. What am I doing? 
But, I didn't leave. I didn't leave until he was done with me. It was the most humiliating, degrading relationship I'd ever been in.

Whoever is reading this, chances are you might've been used before. Maybe it was in a different situation, or maybe it was similar to mine. Either way, if it's happened to you before, the pain of knowing that you truly meant nothing to that person is heartbreaking. It comes with such a suffocating weight that you long to shed.

When it was all over, as upset as I was, I felt so relieved. It was the same feeling I had when my grandfather died last year. The very thought of him dead would make me cry. But, I was also relieved that he wouldn't suffer.

That was me.

I was no longer suffering. Sure, I could have ended it so much earlier and saved myself the pain. But, everything happens for a reason. And I know why this happened. It was just to strengthen me and sharpen my skills at judging situations. I now know when I should leave a guy, when I should stay, how to say "no" when they want you back, etc.

I hope that any of you that have been used come to the same, or a similar, conclusion. This'll haunt me for a long time. I don't want to say forever but, who knows? I just know that I never, ever want to experience that again. Nor do I want anyone else to feel that kind of pain. But, I can't do much but say, "Be careful."

I'm just lucky I've got friends, family, and Gemini to be there for me. All of them know how to treat me well and I truly appreciate it.

I wish all of you the best of luck when it comes to these menaces.