Goodbye, 2011.

So as this year is coming to an end, I'm reflecting on all the things that occurred. I do this every year, some more than others. In general, I can say that this year was incredibly fast with so many ups and downs. It's starting to scare me how fast my years are going by. And sometimes it makes me think, what am I even doing with my time? 

But anyway, I'll start from the beginning of 2011. It was a happy, but rough, start for my family. As soon as the clock struck midnight on January 1st, 2011, my mom, my grandma and I were in tears, hiding away in the kitchen of my house instead of at the party next door. It was a new year without my grandfather. He had died in May, 2010. For the most part, we had healed. But the thought of moving forward in time without him was somehow shocking.

I was devastated because I was finally gaining more skill in speaking Spanish (my grandfather's first language). All I ever wanted was to be able to carry an actual, full conversation with the man. And now I'll never be able to. That was why the beginning of 2011 was so hard on me. 

By the end of that month, I had already had my heartbroken by that unofficial ex (the one I've mentioned extensively on this blog). It was easy to get over him, the first time. He was only around for a few weeks of January. By February, I was over him and kind of pessimistic about the "month of love." Especially since my best friend, Jenny (remember her?), was dating my cousin. They'd unintentionally rub that in my face.

From February to May, I kind of floated by without any thought into what I was doing. I was finishing my freshman year of high school, anticipating the freedom of summer. But then I ran into my "ex" again (I'm gonna call him Ghostboy). Somehow, I thought it would be okay to let him back into my life. I was wrong. He was just as sour as before. 

In June, I began to really pay attention to Gemini. Spend all night talking to him until the sun was up. Then we'd sleep until 4 or 5 P.M. and text each other all evening. On occasion, Ghostboy would notice that I was straying from him, falling for Gemini, and he'd reel me back in. 

However, I made matters worse for me. I had told Gemini that I was completely done with Ghostboy. But that was a lie that he believed. I was still tangled in a mess with Ghostboy, while trying to branch a new relationship with Gemini. 

Regardless of my ties with Ghostboy, on August 1st, I told Gemini that I loved him. The very next day, I was on a plane to Seattle, Washington with Jenny and her family. It was an unorganized, tiring, troublesome trip. But somehow I still liked it. 

When I came home to Florida, I saw Ghostboy for the last time. He told me he loved me. Then never spoke to me again. I kept trying to contact him, asking what was going on. But he'd ignore me. Until the second day of my sophomore year. I saw him, hands clasped with another girl's. Shattered, I finally decided I had to tell Gemini the truth, breaking his heart, as well as my own. 

So May through August was a time period of lies. I was telling them while they were being fed to me. As miserable as it was to believe the lies, it hurt me just as much to tell them. 

Pause. Why would I even dare to try keeping contact with Ghostboy? Why did I try to stretch an awful relationship as far as it would go? Because I was naive. 

With time, Gemini forgave me. But we realized we were never really together "officially." So we made it happen in September. From then on, I was always happy. I'm glad to be ending this year and starting 2012 with him. He makes me ultimately happy. 

What I'm also happy about is my relationship with Jenny. It's grown more than I thought was possible. Throughout all of our hiccups, we're still inseparable and excited to hang out with each other. I'm proud of the strength she's acquired. She's learned so much about herself and all I could do was sit back, watch, and smile. I love how she's progressing. 

I'm proud of my strength too. With the way Ghostboy treated me, I ought to be crushed. But I carried on with my head held high. And that was something I had never done before. I wonder where I had learned that from.

One last thing I'm proud of: my family. They are doing so well dealing with the death of my grandfather. We're all a lot closer and take family time a bit more seriously. And as for my father, he went through quite the turn-around this year. But a great result from that, my sister and I closer to him. And that makes me happy. Because before this year, I couldn't say that was true. 

And my hopes for 2012 are to remain happy and healthy. I want my family to get even closer, if possible. I'd love to watch Jenny continue to grow and strengthen. And of course, I want to keep loving Gemini. 

Happy New Year.